My grandmother passed away peacefully after having a stroke this week. She was my Mum's mum. The funeral today was sad but releasing. Gran was ready to go. It was good to have the whole family there to shed tears with, and to be able to stick by my mum the whole time. At a time when we naturally think about death and things beyond the physical world, let me share a few conversations that I had today.
We had a party afterwards at my uncle's. I found out there that Gran's deceased husband - the love of her life, was an Anglican freemason (however that could possibly work - apparently you just have to believe in a god to be a freemason), but they fell away from the faith after my step-grandfather lead the whole Auckland community for a time. Very interesting.
It's interesting how people share these "religious" things with me now without me saying or doing much. I was worried before that it would be weird sharing my faith with my family members. But I don't really care anymore because I'm secure in Christ, and He has got me to a place where I can be mostly unjudgemental of non-believers (this has taken a while). I'm happy to be who I am around anyone.
But today, I had my guard down. I had let my tears out at the funeral and had no other believers around to help lift me up in the faith. I was pretty vulnerable, and I wasn't acting. I was myself. Now I usually show up at family gatherings and get comments like "you need to get out in the sun more" or "so you been partying hard in Hamilton?" or worse - no comments or conversation at all. I thought today would be worse still since I hadn't shaven my face in a while - I pretty much have a beard. But now these are some of the comments I got from family members today: not a single negative one...
One of my uncles (Ken) encouraged me to keep doing what I'm doing. He instantly saw me as a new person it seemed and couldn't seem to figure it out (I don't think he'd seen me since God entered my life) - he had a big talk to me telling me to keep at my job, but to seek lifestyle instead of money in corporate settings (because of his own personal experience). I think he thought I was still pursuing computers, and couldn't figure out really how that had brought me so much joy. I feel like he saw me as someone worthy of sharing his wisdom with.
Ken surprisingly kept telling me how great I looked, really meaning it. He insisted I had grown up into a fine man. He invited me to stay at his camp site any time at all in Invercargill. And this is like a pristine camp site. Ken is the ultimate perfectionist and hates people my age who leave the place a mess after they leave (he won't even let them stay anymore). I even told him I have 20 minute showers when I'm on holiday and he almost had a heart attack because of how much they pay for power and gas down there. But I think he invited me because of my character, which I like to think of as God living inside of me, because I cannot give myself any credit for it. Ken's main message was to encourage me to do what I'm doing long term, and work and live with a balance as though it is, so as to not burn myself out.
I met one guy about my age who had just bought a house with his girlfriend (hadn't completely thought through marriage yet). I shared with him how God had changed my life - from smashing pirated CD's to not looking at women with lust in my heart either on the internet (pornography) or in person (day-to-day). I told him how I wanted to give up checking women out that so I could honour my future wife because things wouldn't suddenly change when I'm married. I told him about the illusion of lust that's dragged over our eyes by Satan - how no matter how much you feed your mind, you will never be satisfied and you will always want more. It will snowball. The dude was blown away, and asked isn't that hard when you follow the bible, not to give in to temptations? I said yeah, it is, and sometimes I stumble. It's really hard. But it's worth it. I told him it would be impossible without God, which is what I truly believe.
My other uncle (Ken's brother), Chris, the one who shared about my freemason step-grandfather, had a completely separate conversation with me. Chris told me how good I looked! These were his exact words near the end of our long conversation: "Keep doing whatever you're doing. You seem to be really happy doing it. I can actually see it beaming off your face, it's amazing." and he did nothing but encourage me to keep working with students at university, and to keep support raising for that.
What strange things to say! Uncle Chris actually described my face as beaming even though I felt normal (and in fact, tired). It reminds me of something Jesus said. He says in Matthew 5:12-14 "You are the salt of the earth...You are the light of the world." and describes how we must let our light shine before men so that they see our good deeds and praise our Father in heaven.
Christians are like God's hands and feet, so don't be afraid to be who you are around others. If you are not saved, then you need to be. It is my desire that none will perish, and all will come to know Christ and Him crucified. Death is just an illusion. It is crossing over from this world to the next. While this world is temporary, the next is eternal. Everyone knows this deep in their hearts (Ecclesiastes 3:11). To read more, visit http://www.needgod.com
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